speechless n dumbfounded ..

'aku adalah insan yg tak punya .. cuma rasa cinta membara'

tats wat reali relates 2 me now ..
i received a letter 4rm Changi Women Prison ..
informing me abt gucci's transfer ..
i'm wondering hw she's doin ..
hw her health .. n all ..
i'm waiting 4 her letter but i dun seem 2 get it frm her ..



life is so complicated .. n love reali sucks big time ..
afraid of bein in n out of love ..
juz wish i cld run away frm everyting ..
or get involve in an accident n lose my memory ..
ppl say watever we mention is kind of doa ..
2 me,i dun mind ..
coz it'll b better 4 me 2 lose my memory ..
n aft tat i start life anew ..

won't it b so much better ??
i can b like a newborn who juz stepped in diz world ..
but tats all wishful tinkking on my part ..

now .. me n luckygal seldom msg ..
seldom tok on d fone ..
it seems lyk she wans 2 budget on her hp bills ..
but wen her abg or any1 else msg ..
fuyoo .. dgn pantas leh reply ..
wat d fcuk is tat ??
she's 1 girl i can never unds ..
full of mysteries .. so unsure of wat her feelings are ..

i'm beginning 2 lose faith in her,me n our status ..
guess wat 'irritating fren' ..
diz whole damn ting is affecting me so much tat sumting actuali happened ..
diz aftnoon i was wit mak n adeq ..
we were having late lunch ..
adeq made sandwich 4 us .. i'm so pampered here ..
so,here goes ..
i wanted 2 take out a bottle of drink frm d fridge ..
tot it was plain water so i took out syrup frm d cabinet ..
den adeq asked me ..
adeq: shah,wat r u trying to do ?
me: i'm pouring syrup 2 make us a drink la ..
adeq: hey,u took out d bottle tat i oredi mixed wit syrup ..
me (to my dismay) huh ?? serious ??
adeq: shah,wats wrong wit u ?? not bein urself ..
mak: tu la .. lau da kena tggl dgn pompan n kwn2 main blakang da ilang akal anak aku ni ..

i juz kept my mouth shut n went out 2 d living room ..
i've never been lyk diz ..
not even wen i broke up wit my ex who was spike's akak sdare ..


'irritating fren' .. nw u noe y i'm so distracted ??
hmmm ... i'm goin tru d lowest point of my life nw ..
but i'm sure i'll get out of it n prove tat i'm not useless ..

keep on supporting me k loved ones ..

-confusion-

'wat happens wen love fades away'

'sori 2 disturb u early in d morng .. i juz can't get 2 slp .. waited 4 ur msg last nite 2 inform me u finished wrk n otw hm .. n looking 4ward4 ur msg wen u rch hm .. but no msgs frm u at all .. i wonder y .. no more sweet wrds frm u 2 me .. no more calling me luckyboi .. all those little tings mean so much 2 me,luckygal .. do u even noe ?i guees u dun .. miz d tyms we wer wen fady,boy or whoever is not in ur lyf yet .. we had no arguments at all .. but nw it seem we r arguin over d same ting again n again .. hw tiring can tat b ..its making me lose slp juz tinking of wat is so wrong .. ur d person i trust,love n care 4 so much .. i'm not bein a swit talker here .. but i guess u realise hw much i've been so afraid of losing u 2 any1 else .. y m i so weak ? its bcoz of u dear .. i miss cuddling u 2 slp .. belai ur hair2 let u fall asleep .. dun u miz al d nice moments ? shaz,i've made mistakes 2 u n i learn frm it .. but is diz d way u punish me ?? is tis juz another revenge ? tel me d truth .. dun leave me hanging 4 an ans .. i'm still not over u luckygal .. seriously,i'm not lying ..'

tat was d txt i sent her at 0453hrs diz morng ..
i cldn't slp a wink ..
kept tinking of all tats happened ..
its making me weaker .. so much so tat i feel lyk giving up on everyting ..

y is she tormenting me diz way ??
is tis a punishment 4 me .. is it gonna get better only wen she had her revenge ??
she said she love me still .. but action speaks louder den wrds ..
y is it so hard 4 me 2 walk away ??

aft all d shits i had ..
i still wanna hold on ..
holding on 2 sum1 who dun even wanna rch out 2 me ..
i'm so lost ..

'irritating fren' again i wana thank u 4 listening 2 my fcuking story ..
tym n tym again u neva fail 2 b der ..
m i such a pain in d ass in evry1 eyes ??

i can't seem 2 find d ans 2 my qns ..
i feel so irritated ...
exams on d way .. but i can't seem 2 get anyting on my stupid brain ..
i dun wanna disappoint mama,abg n 'irritating fren'

but i can't concerntrate ....
i'm so sori 'irritating fren' ..
i'm not as strong as u tot i was ...

-heartbroken-

bck again .. juz 4 'irritating fren' sake ..

gdnoon irritating fren ..
how haf u been ?
glad 2 noe of ur updates ..
n happy 2 noe tat u n my lil bro is doin great ..

as for me .. its d same old ting ..
stressed up abt exams .. d gal who's always making me confuse ..
haiz .. juz had a big fight wit her last nite ..
n i meant it as a big fight ..

it was 7pm .. after watching 'mehbooba' on central ..
we were ok in d morng .. afternoon ..
but aft i felt uneasy .. i decided 2 check her fone ..
i scrolled 2 her folders n saw d msg between her n my fren ..
i was kept in d dark all diz while ..
i din even noe my fren fetched her bck 4rm wrk ..

it was damn shocking my 'irritating fren' ..
how hurtful can it be ..
i noe i made mistakes wen i was still wit her ..
abt d ting tat happen between us 'irritating fren' at dblo ..
n abt wat happened between me n nel ..
she juz can't seem 2 accept those facts ..
n she even she dun haf any intentions 2 get bck at me ..
but lyk sum pple say .. 'revenge is sweet'

last nite my fren's gf txt me up ..
asking me 2 tk care of my gf ..
wat was her meaning on tat .. it reali pissed me off ..
again,i had a fight wit her ..
endless arguments .. luckily i cld control myself n din end up laying my hands on her ..
yest was damn too much ..
i was damn FUCKED UP ..

Well 'irritating fren' ..
i dunno wat i shld do ..
shld i juz walk away or juz continue playing diz game ??

i need u now !!!!!
wer r u my 'irritating fren' ??
my loyal listener .. my companion .. my adviser ..
hurry2 .. get bck 2 me ...
i'm waiting !!

`idealess ..`

gd morning sunshine ..
glad 2 wake up 2 a bright n sunny day ..
well,i'm waiting 4 `irritating fren` 2 wake up ..
it seems like forever la .. haiyo ..
she's suppose 2 accompany me study ..
but kol her abt 5 tyms no answer ..

u better wake up now `irritating fren` ..
b4 i kol ur hp till it meletup ..
n `irritating fren` i'm not always bz k ..
lau tak bz pun step bz je ..
haha ..

anyways .. i hope tings will get better 4 u aite ..
go through dis stormy days wit ur brave heart ..
i'm sure u'll make it through ..
but along d way,if u tink u gonna lose ur way ..
i'm right behind u ..

dun lose faith coz tats wat keeps ur strength in d rship ..
it myt b hard 2 trust d one u love who played behind ur back ..
but tink of the gd tyms u both had ..
throw away all d bad ones ..
`buang yg keruh .. ambil yg jernih`

i seem so gd giving advise ..
but wen it comes 2 my part .. haiyo ..
i can b so stupid .. i nid 2 walk away 4rm all dis shit in my life ..
can't take it no more ..
wats d point of me giving my all .. but still d other party is reactionless ..

she said she's hurt by wat i did in d past ..
yes i do unds .. but arghh .. forget it !
dun wish 2 elaborate .. its gonna make me mad ..
but like one of my ex said ..
i'm easy goin .. she juz wants me 2 enjoy life n b stress free ..
well .. if tats gonna make me feel better ..
y not rite ??

i juz leave it 2 fate 2 decide wat's der 4 me ..
tired of goin tru shit tym n tym again ..
well,`irritating fren` finally wake up !!
haha ..
sori 2 irritate u k ..
c u ltr aite ..

a thank u specially 4 u `irritating fren`

halo .. i'm bck ..
tis entry 2day is juz 4 my `irritating fren` n partner ..
thanx 4 sharing my probs lending me ur ears n giving me ur support ..
each n everytime u never fail 2 b der 4 me ..
i reali appreciate all those advices n care ..

been bz dis few days at luckygal's house ..
her bro's getting married ..
n i'm here helping out .. haha ..
da mcm aku yg nak kahwin ..
tat'll b in my dreams .. of course ..
haha ..

so `irritating fren` .. do take care of urself n my lil bro ..
mish all those tyms 2gether ,..
especially goin clubbing wit u guys ..
last but not least .. i love u guys so muchy ..

`y is it so hard juz 2 4get someone`


she used 2 b d one i love ..
d only one i shared my happiness n sorrows with ..
whom i can rely on wen i nid sum1 ..
but aft d break up,things began 2 change slowly ..
we argued,stopped talking 4 sumtime ...
however managed 2 b close again ..

still remember d good tyms we had 2gether as a couple ..
everyting was great .. juz having her by my side was enough ..
but y do all rship ends wit a break up ??
is tat d only solution 4 unhappiness ??
still can't find the answers ..
love .. has always been d complicated thing on Earth ..

am i rite 2 say tis `irritating fren` ??
haha ..
let's stop talking abt love ..
14 may 2009 .. gucci's court date ..
dunno wat d outcome will be ..
watever it is,its 4 her own gd ..
i can only pray tat she'll get a lighter sentence which i tink is impossible ..
but like pple say,never give up until u lose d battle ..
so gucci,hang in there ok ..

few more weeks 2 my external exams ..
so worried n tensed .. arghhhhh ..
can i not take d exams ????
damn it ..
wish me luck k `irritating fren` ..

guess tats abt it ..
will b bck again n update on my life ..

`some thoughts 2 ponder`

i'm bck once again ..
so,today is Mother's day ..
mum n bro went for a cruise lunch without me ..
coz i juz dun feel like tagging along ..
tats me .. always not interested 2 put family 1st ..
guess tats wat mama hates abt me ..
btw,how haf u been doin `irritating fren` ??
hope u n boyfriend doin fine n well ..

`irritating fren` ..
what do u tink of tis phrase ??
`a friend in need is a friend indeed`
can u enlighten me with wat u haf in ur tots on tis ..
i'm juz in need of answers ..
feeling so FCUKED UP wit some frens who r gd 2 us but haf an ulterior motive in fact ..
y r der such pple on Earth .. will dey make diz world a better plc 2 live in ..
i wonder n keep on wondering ..

if u pple tink u guys r my frens ..
tell me ur motives of getting close 2 me n her ..
dun pretend 2 b ignorant if u guys haf got feelings 4 her ..
treated d both of u as my elder bros ..
but is tis wat i'm getting in d end ..
tink of ur own rship guys ..
dun break d ties tat u pple haf built wit d ones who love u ..
respect me coz i still love her ..

even if u guys tink u wan her ..
b gentle .. come up 2 my face n tell me ..
maybe den i can make a wise decision ..
dun stab me in d back ..
coz tats not how it works now in diz world ..
juz hope my `irritating fren` could b my listening ear now ..

`ders more den meets d eyes`

wee .. i'm back ..
after so long .. pardon me for not updating for so long k `irritating fren`
been bz wit life ..
well .. wat can i say ?
i'm still looking 4 a stable job .. waiting for calls tat doesn't seem 2 b calling ..
wat d hell ..
juz gotta b a lil bit more patient ..
in approximately 1 mth tym will b my external exams ..
will b sitting 4 3 papers ..
hospitality finance which i guess i can make it tru ..
business operations which i guess i should b able 2 do it ..
n lastly,marketing .. gosh diz 2 modules need me 2 memorize a lot of things ..
n i have this fear of sitting 4 exams ..
coz after so long of a break frm sch ..
c'mon shah ..
juz do it .. haha .. tats wat d nike slogan says ..
hmm .. abt love life ..
no changes .. she's still awaiting her sentence ..
i'll b goin 4 her court on 14 may at 11am ..
between me n luckygal .. we r close but not tinking of patching tings up ..
duno y n dun wish 2 noe ..
mayb ders juz no more oppurtunities 4 us ..
or mayb we r better off as frens ..
n guess wat,i found out tat we both r actually distant cousin ..
haha .. such a small2 world after all ..
hey `irritating fren` ..
how haf u been doin ??
how's tings between u n my lil bro ??
juz hoping u guys r doin fine ..
i miz my lil bro so damn much ..
hardly see him now ..
how i wish we could b like b4 ..
but no matter wat .. remind him tat i love him d way i did as always k hur ??
i'm leaving him in ur care ..
anyways,happy belated 7 mth 4 d both of u ..
cheers adeq2 ku ...
.. i love my luckygal ..