A journey of my life

finally i'm bck to blog .. 'irritating fren' is so gonna kill me ..

2009-06-23T06:53:00.004+08:00

gd morning .. here i am bck 2 blog abt wats been happening in my lyf ..
first of all,i wld like 2 apologise 2 my 'irritating fren' coz i've not been updating ..
gbeen bz la .. hehe ..

anyways,i've not been in contact wit her 4 almost a wk ..
n tats kind of break d record ..
simply said,i dun give a SHIT abt wats happening in her life ..
who she will b wit ..
coz basically d nxt person goin wit her is only getting my sloppy shit ..

so,i got nothing 2 lose ..
well,skool's fine so far ..
currently doin casino management part 1 module ..
an interesting module ..
its all abt learning hw ppl cheat in d casino n win BIG money ..

work has never been any better ..
wit my lil bro der working wit me ..
it's so fun ..
i juz felt tat ever since he left my house 2 stay at sin ming ..
i lost d happy moments we used 2 have ..
n nw its payback tym ..
so 'irritating fren' .. i hope u dun tink differently if i were 2 tell u tat i wana spend tym wit my bro ..
aft all tat has happened .. i noe ur never gonna trust me anymore ..
its ok .. coz i can't possibly force u 2 ..

i guess tats abt all ..
i'm feeling sleepy coz i've not been sleeping well 4 d past few days ..
duno y d hell m i having insomnia ..
will b bck 2 pen dwn my tots real soon ...

missing.in.action ... but back again ..

2009-06-03T12:18:00.002+08:00

peace b upon d readers of my blog ..
i'm bck again aft so long of not blogging ..
d reason y .. i juz haf no idea on wat 2 blog abt ..

well .. i sat 4 my finance paper on mon ..
n guess wat .. i was able 2 do it ..
but i was stuck on profit & loss account ..

like wat d hell ..
been revising n practising on it ..
i guess it was d exam jitters ..

goodness .. i was filled wit anxiety ..
my heart was thumping so fast ..
even my classmates saw how nervous i was ..

lucky,i didn't freak out ..
hell yeah ..
aft all,i hope i manage 2 get a pass ..

coz i tink i'm gonna lose alot of marks in section b ..
its ok shah ..
wats done has past ..

i still haf 2 more papers ..
tmr will b business op ..
which will b another obstacle ..
n fri will b marketing ..

oh shit .. pray i can do it ..
well,aft fri .. i dun haf 2 worry anymore ..
bck 2 skool 4 new module ..
tat is tourism industry ..

my 'irritating fren' has done dat module ..
so,if i haf any probs .. i surely can run 2 her ..
haha ... i will irritate her 4 sure ..

was at her plc al d way ..
spent tym wit her ..
tings r ok on d surface ..
but god noes wat is goin on behind my back ..
but i simply dun care anymore ..

coz 2 me all tat r not important ..
like wat rif's gf said ..
pple tend 2 b interested in my 2nd hand goods ..
haha ..
her words made me smile 4rm ear 2 ear ..

had a nice chat wit her on tues nite ..
she's so supporting me ..
asked me 2 get up on my feet n b d lil bro i was ..
she dun wan anymore girls 2 take advantage of me ..

n she even said tat those 2 r not worth bein frens wit ..
she made me realise tat der r lots of pple loving me still ..
n i told her i MUST not let any1 dwn ..

a BIG thank u 4 ur support dasao ..
i love u n bro dearly ..
not forgetting my lil bro spike n partner ..
thanx a million ..
n adeq sity 2 ..
u guys mean so much 2 me ..

who m i without all of u ..
mama,abg,rif n partner .. spike n partner .. adeq sity n family ..

i finally get a job ..
n diz tym i'm gonna wrk hard n do u proud mama ..
i wil not let u dwn anymore ..
coz no matter hw bad i m ..
u still love me d way u do ..

no other mum can replace d place i haf 4 u ..
ur my PRECIOUS LOVE ..
n ur love is d greatest of all ..

'u treat me like a rose .. u gif me room 2 grow
u shone d light of love on me .. n gave me air so i can breathe ..
u open doors tat close in d worl where anyting goes ..
u give me strength so i stand tall .. within diz bed of earth juz like a ROSE'

tats 4 mama ..
i love u dear mum ..

guess tats abt it now ..
mayb i'll come bck 2 blog again in d eve ..
so long,goodbye ....

speechless n dumbfounded ..

2009-05-26T17:26:00.002+08:00

'aku adalah insan yg tak punya .. cuma rasa cinta membara'

tats wat reali relates 2 me now ..
i received a letter 4rm Changi Women Prison ..
informing me abt gucci's transfer ..
i'm wondering hw she's doin ..
hw her health .. n all ..
i'm waiting 4 her letter but i dun seem 2 get it frm her ..

need 2 visit her a.s.a.p ..

but i'm afraid dey will not allow me 2 visit her coz i'm not her next-of-kin ..

i miss gucci though .. watever it is,i still consider her my gf ..

coz i duno wat we r since we can't keep in touch at all after her bein detained ..

life is so complicated .. n love reali sucks big time ..
afraid of bein in n out of love ..
juz wish i cld run away frm everyting ..
or get involve in an accident n lose my memory ..
ppl say watever we mention is kind of doa ..
2 me,i dun mind ..
coz it'll b better 4 me 2 lose my memory ..
n aft tat i start life anew ..

won't it b so much better ??
i can b like a newborn who juz stepped in diz world ..
but tats all wishful tinkking on my part ..

now .. me n luckygal seldom msg ..
seldom tok on d fone ..
it seems lyk she wans 2 budget on her hp bills ..
but wen her abg or any1 else msg ..
fuyoo .. dgn pantas leh reply ..
wat d fcuk is tat ??
she's 1 girl i can never unds ..
full of mysteries .. so unsure of wat her feelings are ..

i'm beginning 2 lose faith in her,me n our status ..
guess wat 'irritating fren' ..
diz whole damn ting is affecting me so much tat sumting actuali happened ..
diz aftnoon i was wit mak n adeq ..
we were having late lunch ..
adeq made sandwich 4 us .. i'm so pampered here ..
so,here goes ..
i wanted 2 take out a bottle of drink frm d fridge ..
tot it was plain water so i took out syrup frm d cabinet ..
den adeq asked me ..
adeq: shah,wat r u trying to do ?
me: i'm pouring syrup 2 make us a drink la ..
adeq: hey,u took out d bottle tat i oredi mixed wit syrup ..
me (to my dismay) huh ?? serious ??
adeq: shah,wats wrong wit u ?? not bein urself ..
mak: tu la .. lau da kena tggl dgn pompan n kwn2 main blakang da ilang akal anak aku ni ..

i juz kept my mouth shut n went out 2 d living room ..
i've never been lyk diz ..
not even wen i broke up wit my ex who was spike's akak sdare ..

'irritating fren' .. nw u noe y i'm so distracted ??
hmmm ... i'm goin tru d lowest point of my life nw ..
but i'm sure i'll get out of it n prove tat i'm not useless ..

keep on supporting me k loved ones ..

-confusion-

'wat happens wen love fades away'

2009-05-26T11:28:00.002+08:00

'sori 2 disturb u early in d morng .. i juz can't get 2 slp .. waited 4 ur msg last nite 2 inform me u finished wrk n otw hm .. n looking 4ward4 ur msg wen u rch hm .. but no msgs frm u at all .. i wonder y .. no more sweet wrds frm u 2 me .. no more calling me luckyboi .. all those little tings mean so much 2 me,luckygal .. do u even noe ?i guees u dun .. miz d tyms we wer wen fady,boy or whoever is not in ur lyf yet .. we had no arguments at all .. but nw it seem we r arguin over d same ting again n again .. hw tiring can tat b ..its making me lose slp juz tinking of wat is so wrong .. ur d person i trust,love n care 4 so much .. i'm not bein a swit talker here .. but i guess u realise hw much i've been so afraid of losing u 2 any1 else .. y m i so weak ? its bcoz of u dear .. i miss cuddling u 2 slp .. belai ur hair2 let u fall asleep .. dun u miz al d nice moments ? shaz,i've made mistakes 2 u n i learn frm it .. but is diz d way u punish me ?? is tis juz another revenge ? tel me d truth .. dun leave me hanging 4 an ans .. i'm still not over u luckygal .. seriously,i'm not lying ..'

tat was d txt i sent her at 0453hrs diz morng ..
i cldn't slp a wink ..
kept tinking of all tats happened ..
its making me weaker .. so much so tat i feel lyk giving up on everyting ..

y is she tormenting me diz way ??
is tis a punishment 4 me .. is it gonna get better only wen she had her revenge ??
she said she love me still .. but action speaks louder den wrds ..
y is it so hard 4 me 2 walk away ??

aft all d shits i had ..
i still wanna hold on ..
holding on 2 sum1 who dun even wanna rch out 2 me ..
i'm so lost ..

'irritating fren' again i wana thank u 4 listening 2 my fcuking story ..
tym n tym again u neva fail 2 b der ..
m i such a pain in d ass in evry1 eyes ??

i can't seem 2 find d ans 2 my qns ..
i feel so irritated ...
exams on d way .. but i can't seem 2 get anyting on my stupid brain ..
i dun wanna disappoint mama,abg n 'irritating fren'

but i can't concerntrate ....
i'm so sori 'irritating fren' ..
i'm not as strong as u tot i was ...

-heartbroken-

bck again .. juz 4 'irritating fren' sake ..

2009-05-24T13:19:00.002+08:00

gdnoon irritating fren ..
how haf u been ?
glad 2 noe of ur updates ..
n happy 2 noe tat u n my lil bro is doin great ..

as for me .. its d same old ting ..
stressed up abt exams .. d gal who's always making me confuse ..
haiz .. juz had a big fight wit her last nite ..
n i meant it as a big fight ..

it was 7pm .. after watching 'mehbooba' on central ..
we were ok in d morng .. afternoon ..
but aft i felt uneasy .. i decided 2 check her fone ..
i scrolled 2 her folders n saw d msg between her n my fren ..
i was kept in d dark all diz while ..
i din even noe my fren fetched her bck 4rm wrk ..

it was damn shocking my 'irritating fren' ..
how hurtful can it be ..
i noe i made mistakes wen i was still wit her ..
abt d ting tat happen between us 'irritating fren' at dblo ..
n abt wat happened between me n nel ..
she juz can't seem 2 accept those facts ..
n she even she dun haf any intentions 2 get bck at me ..
but lyk sum pple say .. 'revenge is sweet'

last nite my fren's gf txt me up ..
asking me 2 tk care of my gf ..
wat was her meaning on tat .. it reali pissed me off ..
again,i had a fight wit her ..
endless arguments .. luckily i cld control myself n din end up laying my hands on her ..
yest was damn too much ..
i was damn FUCKED UP ..

Well 'irritating fren' ..
i dunno wat i shld do ..
shld i juz walk away or juz continue playing diz game ??

i need u now !!!!!
wer r u my 'irritating fren' ??
my loyal listener .. my companion .. my adviser ..
hurry2 .. get bck 2 me ...
i'm waiting !!

`idealess ..`

2009-05-20T10:20:00.002+08:00

gd morning sunshine ..
glad 2 wake up 2 a bright n sunny day ..
well,i'm waiting 4 `irritating fren` 2 wake up ..
it seems like forever la .. haiyo ..
she's suppose 2 accompany me study ..
but kol her abt 5 tyms no answer ..

u better wake up now `irritating fren` ..
b4 i kol ur hp till it meletup ..
n `irritating fren` i'm not always bz k ..
lau tak bz pun step bz je ..
haha ..

anyways .. i hope tings will get better 4 u aite ..
go through dis stormy days wit ur brave heart ..
i'm sure u'll make it through ..
but along d way,if u tink u gonna lose ur way ..
i'm right behind u ..

dun lose faith coz tats wat keeps ur strength in d rship ..
it myt b hard 2 trust d one u love who played behind ur back ..
but tink of the gd tyms u both had ..
throw away all d bad ones ..
`buang yg keruh .. ambil yg jernih`

i seem so gd giving advise ..
but wen it comes 2 my part .. haiyo ..
i can b so stupid .. i nid 2 walk away 4rm all dis shit in my life ..
can't take it no more ..
wats d point of me giving my all .. but still d other party is reactionless ..

she said she's hurt by wat i did in d past ..
yes i do unds .. but arghh .. forget it !
dun wish 2 elaborate .. its gonna make me mad ..
but like one of my ex said ..
i'm easy goin .. she juz wants me 2 enjoy life n b stress free ..
well .. if tats gonna make me feel better ..
y not rite ??

i juz leave it 2 fate 2 decide wat's der 4 me ..
tired of goin tru shit tym n tym again ..
well,`irritating fren` finally wake up !!
haha ..
sori 2 irritate u k ..
c u ltr aite ..

a thank u specially 4 u `irritating fren`

2009-05-16T14:20:00.002+08:00

halo .. i'm bck ..
tis entry 2day is juz 4 my `irritating fren` n partner ..
thanx 4 sharing my probs lending me ur ears n giving me ur support ..
each n everytime u never fail 2 b der 4 me ..
i reali appreciate all those advices n care ..

been bz dis few days at luckygal's house ..
her bro's getting married ..
n i'm here helping out .. haha ..
da mcm aku yg nak kahwin ..
tat'll b in my dreams .. of course ..
haha ..

so `irritating fren` .. do take care of urself n my lil bro ..
mish all those tyms 2gether ,..
especially goin clubbing wit u guys ..
last but not least .. i love u guys so muchy ..

`y is it so hard juz 2 4get someone`

2009-05-13T00:03:00.002+08:00

she used 2 b d one i love ..
d only one i shared my happiness n sorrows with ..
whom i can rely on wen i nid sum1 ..
but aft d break up,things began 2 change slowly ..
we argued,stopped talking 4 sumtime ...
however managed 2 b close again ..

still remember d good tyms we had 2gether as a couple ..
everyting was great .. juz having her by my side was enough ..
but y do all rship ends wit a break up ??
is tat d only solution 4 unhappiness ??
still can't find the answers ..
love .. has always been d complicated thing on Earth ..

am i rite 2 say tis `irritating fren` ??
haha ..
let's stop talking abt love ..
14 may 2009 .. gucci's court date ..
dunno wat d outcome will be ..
watever it is,its 4 her own gd ..
i can only pray tat she'll get a lighter sentence which i tink is impossible ..
but like pple say,never give up until u lose d battle ..
so gucci,hang in there ok ..

few more weeks 2 my external exams ..
so worried n tensed .. arghhhhh ..
can i not take d exams ????
damn it ..
wish me luck k `irritating fren` ..

guess tats abt it ..
will b bck again n update on my life ..

`some thoughts 2 ponder`

2009-05-10T22:32:00.002+08:00

i'm bck once again ..
so,today is Mother's day ..
mum n bro went for a cruise lunch without me ..
coz i juz dun feel like tagging along ..
tats me .. always not interested 2 put family 1st ..
guess tats wat mama hates abt me ..
btw,how haf u been doin `irritating fren` ??
hope u n boyfriend doin fine n well ..

`irritating fren` ..
what do u tink of tis phrase ??
`a friend in need is a friend indeed`
can u enlighten me with wat u haf in ur tots on tis ..
i'm juz in need of answers ..
feeling so FCUKED UP wit some frens who r gd 2 us but haf an ulterior motive in fact ..
y r der such pple on Earth .. will dey make diz world a better plc 2 live in ..
i wonder n keep on wondering ..

if u pple tink u guys r my frens ..
tell me ur motives of getting close 2 me n her ..
dun pretend 2 b ignorant if u guys haf got feelings 4 her ..
treated d both of u as my elder bros ..
but is tis wat i'm getting in d end ..
tink of ur own rship guys ..
dun break d ties tat u pple haf built wit d ones who love u ..
respect me coz i still love her ..

even if u guys tink u wan her ..
b gentle .. come up 2 my face n tell me ..
maybe den i can make a wise decision ..
dun stab me in d back ..
coz tats not how it works now in diz world ..
juz hope my `irritating fren` could b my listening ear now ..

`ders more den meets d eyes`

2009-05-05T14:56:00.002+08:00

wee .. i'm back ..
after so long .. pardon me for not updating for so long k `irritating fren`
been bz wit life ..
well .. wat can i say ?
i'm still looking 4 a stable job .. waiting for calls tat doesn't seem 2 b calling ..
wat d hell ..
juz gotta b a lil bit more patient ..
in approximately 1 mth tym will b my external exams ..
will b sitting 4 3 papers ..
hospitality finance which i guess i can make it tru ..
business operations which i guess i should b able 2 do it ..
n lastly,marketing .. gosh diz 2 modules need me 2 memorize a lot of things ..
n i have this fear of sitting 4 exams ..
coz after so long of a break frm sch ..
c'mon shah ..
juz do it .. haha .. tats wat d nike slogan says ..
hmm .. abt love life ..
no changes .. she's still awaiting her sentence ..
i'll b goin 4 her court on 14 may at 11am ..
between me n luckygal .. we r close but not tinking of patching tings up ..
duno y n dun wish 2 noe ..
mayb ders juz no more oppurtunities 4 us ..
or mayb we r better off as frens ..
n guess wat,i found out tat we both r actually distant cousin ..
haha .. such a small2 world after all ..
hey `irritating fren` ..
how haf u been doin ??
how's tings between u n my lil bro ??
juz hoping u guys r doin fine ..
i miz my lil bro so damn much ..
hardly see him now ..
how i wish we could b like b4 ..
but no matter wat .. remind him tat i love him d way i did as always k hur ??
i'm leaving him in ur care ..
anyways,happy belated 7 mth 4 d both of u ..
cheers adeq2 ku ...
.. i love my luckygal ..

`back from d dead`

2009-04-23T10:24:00.002+08:00

well .. i'm finally bck after not updating 4 a week .. i guess ..

haha .. my `irritating fren` will surely nag coz i almost let d spiders build their web ..

sorry fren .. due 2 unforeseen circumstances i din upload my blog ..

so ya .. d past few days were spent goin 4 interviews n more interviews ..

haiz .. i reali want a JOB soon !!! it sucks 2 go out penniless ..

haiz .. n i've not been buying stuffs 4 myself ..

gosh .. i nid 2 get some decent clothes 4 her bro's wedding ..

wat should i wear .. still tinking abt it ..

hmm .. as for sch .. oh gosh .. tis 3rd module is a damn dry topic ..

even my lecturer said so .. but we enjoy getting ms jacqueline as our lecturer again ..

haha .. she taught us hospitality finance before ..

another approximately 2 mths 2 go for external exam ..

gotta start revising real soon .. if not i guess i will FAIL ..

oh ya .. before i forget .. i'm hoping 2 get dat swensen job or even d job at butter factory club !!

if i get both is even better .. work n work n work n sch n sch n sch ..

tats all tat matters now .. wit d situation me n my family is goin tru ..

but i'm hell sure tat bad tyms will pass off real soon ..

praying 2 GOD every nite n every day ..

mama .. i wanna prove 2 u tat i will b ur successful child one day n do u proud ..

abg .. thanx 4 d countless support .. though u always nag at me,i noe u do it coz u love me ..

ain't no other pple i noe could love me d way u guys do ..

my family .. my strength ..

2 u out der .. `luckycomot`

i'm so glad tat we r as close as b4 ..

juz remember diz .. even if ur in trouble or happy

i'm always here 4 u k ..

u can count on me if u ever need some1 2 turn 2 ..

guess tats abt it ..

wait for my nxt entry ..

au revour ..

~d lovely pple i call FAMILY~

2009-04-13T09:05:00.000+08:00

attached above r pics of d pple closest 2 me ..

good morning blog .. guess wat ?! i juz woke up .. on my lappy n straight 2 my blog .. i've got aprroximately 7 hrs 2 go .. meeting up my classmates at 4pm for a short study b4 we go 4 class .. its been 2 mths i've known diz beautiful pple or should i say classmates .. they r d best classmates i've ever been with .. so thankful tat der are no spoilt rich brats .. Haha .. will be sitting for hospitality finance internal examz on wed .. hopefully i can make it .. anyway,tmr is gucci's court hearing .. i've got 2 b der at 215pm .. i wonder how is she now .. i symphatise wit d state she's in now .. i wish i could do sumting 2 help her .. now all i can do is pray tat she get a lighter sentence .. n hopefully after she finish her sentence,she will mend her ways .. of coz,wit me by her side 2 support her !! but again,like d saying goes 'no one is gonna help u unless u help urself' Tats wat mama always say 2 me .. well,i'm a disobedient child .. never want 2 listen 2 her instructions .. prefer 2 do tings in my own ways .. but she's been ever so patient wit me .. never giving up on me .. no matter wat happens,its always ur family tat comes 2 ur rescue .. lately,i've been missing my late dad so much .. nevertheless,i still pray 4 him every night b4 i go 2 sleep .. i'll look at his pic whenever i miss him so much .. tats d only memory of him tat keeps me goin .. i hope 2 make him n mama proud of me one day .. getting my diploma cert is all tat matters now .. i dun wish 2 waste d money n effort given by mum n late dad .. i'm their most worry .. tats wat they always told me .. not forgetting my dearest abg .. he too didn't give up on me .. he mayb a pain in my ass but no matter wat,the blood tat runs in me is in him too .. 'air yg dicincang tak akan putus' I love my family so much but i dunno how 2 show it .. n one more person .. my lovely buddy .. rif .. who has been wit me 4 12 whole year .. she's d one who noes me inside out .. my pillar of strength .. d one i will always look 4 wen i've got probs in matters of the heart n family .. she never fail 2 b der 4 me .. i'm glad tat i haf sumone like her .. she is 1 person i admire most .. despite her family background,she is still strong 2 go on in life .. well buddy,i pray d best 4 u in life k .. i love u so much !! Haha .. getting touchy a lil bit .. dun mind me ya .. aite,i'm done .. need 2 do some house chores b4 my mum turn into a tarzan .. au revoiur ..

~me .. my loves n d apple of my eyes~

2009-04-13T01:21:00.000+08:00

well .. diz is d apple of my eye (mustaqim) .. damn,i miss diz litle boy so much .. he never fails 2 cheer me up .. i simply love kids .. sometimes,i feel like adopting one .. so tat he/she can take care of me wen i'm old .. HAHA .. so,back 2 my story .. sunday was a lazing day 4 me .. woke up at 12pm .. took a shower .. no one was at home .. so i guessed mum n bro went 2 d gym .. if i were dem,i'd rather sleep .. haha .. dey rch home minutes later .. n bro asked me 2 accompany him bring 'cay' my little kitten 2 d vet .. this poor darling of mine is so pitiful .. he got fits .. at such a young age .. he's turning 1 diz june .. after his checkup,we proceed home .. upon reaching home,mom oredi cooked .. sambal goreng n my favourite fish .. 'garoupa' Fuyoo,its been a long tym i've not eat mom's cooking .. d reason is i was seldom home .. so basically after eating .. i watched tv .. after tat i was hooked on d laptop .. coz i was playing pool at miniclip.com .. tmr back 2 skool .. my lecturer's last day coz she gona quit n b a full time nanny n housewife .. next upcoming module is marketing .. really looking 4ward 4 it .. tats abt it .. will b bck soon n update more .. adious ..

~stepping stone in blogging~

2009-04-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

1st tym of my life blogging .. thank god my 'irritating fren' is der 2 help me .. u noe who u r ..

well,lately life have been gd .. juz tat recently my mum juz got retrenched .. n i haf 2 get a stable job soon .. coz mum's getting on in years .. its tym 4 me n bro 2 support her .. let her enjoy retirement moments .. moreover,she'll b goin for pilgrimage dis year .. woah .. i reali nid 2 get a JOB real SOON .. btw,my external exam is coming soon .. its due in june .. gosh,i'm so nervous .. after so long not sitting 4 exams .. i dunno if i can manage or not .. but like my 'irritating fren' always say .. 'dun give up .. i noe u can do it' .. she always give me her support .. n i'm glad 2 haf her in my life .. so thankful tat in this journey of my life,i got 2 noe her .. thanx dearestt .. u never fail 2 b der 4 me .. i tink tats all for now .. will b bck soon 2 update my blog .. btw 'irritating fren' ,do keep in mind tat i'm always here wen u nid sum1 2 tok 2 k .. 'keep on smiling twinkle though times may seem hard'

2009-04-11T23:53:00.001+08:00